Holly Tootell | Counselling & Psychotherapy Services

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The Unwanted Emotion...

Anger gets a bad rap.

I often hear people say things like “I need to control my anger” or “I just need to learn how to stop it”. It makes me feel quite sad for anger actually.

I don’t hear people saying – “I’m far too sad, I really need to control it” or “I just need to learn how to stop being so bloody happy”!

Poor anger gets shunned, and unwanted. No wonder they’re screaming for our attention!

I’ve come to love anger over the years. Don’t get me wrong, when I first began working with anger, I felt a bit tentative. I remember family and friends when I told them I was going to work in an organisation which works with anger management. “Ooh you be careful, won’t you!” they would say to me. There seemed to be an expectation that the people I’d be working with would be aggressive, abusive or be displaying constant rage! The reality couldn’t be more different.

Because what I found when I got there, was…people! Human beings who had all sorts of other parts of them than just “anger”. They were just normal, everyday people. Who’d have guessed?!

The more I work with anger (and feel my own!), the more I believe in this;

Anger is an emotion.

Just like happiness. Just like sadness. Just like fear.

And it deserves a space to be felt, just as much as the other emotions do.

Is it uncomfortable to be angry – of course it is! But here’s the thing…anger usually is an indication that we are hurt or that we’ve had our boundaries crossed. It often doesn’t just happen for no reason. We sometimes just have to do a bit of digging to figure out why we’re hurt.

How do we find out why anger might be coming out for us?

If you have 10-15 minutes spare, take some time to think about the following (maybe journal about it a little if you can!);

What have I felt frustrated about in the last week?
Who do I get annoyed with the most in my life?
What’s one thing that usually upsets or hurts me the most?

See what comes up for you – by reflecting on what’s going on underneath the anger, you can learn more about what you need to address.

Hi, I'm Holly!

I’m Holly Tootell, and I’m a psychotherapist and supervisor with a special interest in anger and cycle awareness.
I’m based in West Yorkshire in the UK but work mainly online.

You can get in touch with me by heading to the contact & FAQ’S page.

Subjects I’ve written on

Hi, I'm Holly!

I’m Holly Tootell, and I’m a psychotherapist and supervisor with a special interest in anger and cycle awareness.
I’m based in West Yorkshire in the UK but work mainly online.

You can get in touch with me by heading to the contact & FAQ’S page.

Subjects I’ve written on

Please note that I am not a medical professional and am not qualified to nor will give medical advice. I will only ever provide insights according to my own personal experience in regards to health matters. The information I provide in my work and content, is researched to the best of my ability, and from within my expertise as a psychotherapist. 

My content is my way of sharing information around subjects that I feel may be of use, but can sometimes be simplified in order to help them be more accessible. Often subjects I discuss are more detailed and nuanced than I can communicate in short form content. I would encourage you to do more research around these subjects from other reliable resources.

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